Step 2: Here is your Inside
‘Here is your inside’, Ayahuasca said.
‘Here is the real mess you have been living with’.
Boom. I dived into pure confusion, a constant and loud angry battle, who I’m I fighting with?
It went on forever, voices, angry voices that wouldn’t stop, please make them stop, flashes of people, friends and partners, energetic conflicts exhausting my being, what being?
An infinite fight between male and female, between black and white, right and wrong, love and fear, I shrank.
I shrank into nothingness, all there was, was conflict and all I wanted was peace.
My body was suffering, there was no comfort, no rest to be found.
‘My God, this is Me, why I haven’t seen this mess before? I’m I living in a lie?
‘Yes. But it’s not your fault my precious little being’ she replied.
She wanted to take me by the hand.
I resisted. I’m tired, I said. I’m sad. How can I be so messed up?
‘It’s ok my baby. Embrace your sadness, release all guilds, all fears, and let go’, she said.
‘Ok. Take a breath. Sit up. You are strong, you can do this. I wouldn’t show you this mess if you weren’t ready to see it. Be strong.’
‘Ok. Check this out’
And then it happened.
A door opened inside my mind, an eye that sees it all, and there it was.
An infinite space I could see with a billion eyes, feel with a billion cells, a space full of everything beautiful and everything divine. What is this place? Is it inside of me?
I opened my eyes, I couldn’t bare being exposed to its infinite beauty.
‘I don’t want to see it. I’m not ready. How can there be so much confusion and so much beauty at the same time, all inside? I want to rest.’
‘Ok my baby, rest. Now you know what’s inside.’
What I rough introduction to my Inside. I felt overwhelmed. I felt gratitude.
I purged the conflict I brought into my soul my whole life. I purged again and again.
I have a long long way to go. This is going to be tough.
The Cosmos whispered ‘We are with you. We are You’.
I felt raw. I felt uncomfortable to Be.
What a rough introduction to my Inside.